family ties
by sensor girl
Summary: seeing their cousin on TV one night, the redneck brothers decide that they must save him from the clutches of the x-men. but does sam guthrie want to be saved? almost full cast featured*finished!!!* please R/R
1. prologue (or however it's spelled)

Hello, everybody! I'm baaaa-aaaack!! Aren't you happy? Could you maybe just pretend to be? Yeah, just like that. So anyway my muse has been trying and trying to give me new ideas, but I've been sick and haven't been listening to his southern ramblings. He's not happy. So this is a sad attempt to make him happy!!

Disclaimers: the x-men and all other marvel characters belong to…marvel…for now…the redneck brothers are kind of mine, I guess…the basic original Idea for this fic was from "down home charm's : things we'd all like to see in x-men" I'm just writing it, sensor girl style!!!!

=~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+=

(somewhere in kentucky)

billy-joe: quick billy-ray! Turn that-there telvision on, so we can watch the news.

*Billy-ray takes out a shot gun. shoots, and the TV turns on*

news anchor:… and the severed head was found in an elevator shaft. *switches cameras* in other news, the mutant outlaw group, calling themselves the x-men *picture comes on screen*

billy-ray: billy-joe that there's cousin sam, on the T-V with them there x-men!

Billy-joe: now what would cousin sam be doin' with them x-men? Sam belongs rahght here in Kentucky.

Billy-ray: well then we gotta save 'em! We gotta save poor cousin sam from them there x-men!!

Billy-joe: yoah rahght billy-ray! To the Xavier institute it is!! Yeeeee-hhhaaaaawwww!!

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~++~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

oh my god!!! What may happen in the next chapter? Will sam Guthrie be forever sentenced to a life of milking cows?! Will the redneck brothers go after paige next?! Will warren ever become the true lord of the dance?! Find out in later chapters!!!

~SG~


	2. the rednecks come to town...

Greetings ya'll!! That's right I AM BACK!! And since my muse has been hollering his blonde head off, I am continuing And I've run out of things to say, so onto the story!!

Cannonball: well, uh…ah got something t'—

SG: later sam, the story's starting.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

(the x-mansion, three days later)

scott: okay team that was a good mission, now for what you did wrong…

*door bell rings*

entire team: I'll get it!

*entire team runs to door*

scott: but…doesn't anyone want to know what they did wrong?

(upstairs)

jean: so who's really going to get the door?

*all stare at bishop*

bishop: sigh…

*walks to the door*

*opens door*

bishop: um…can I help you?

Billy-ray: nope…ah mean yup. We're lookin' fer our cousin sam.

Bishop: oh, more of sam's weird cousins. I'll go get him..

(inside)

bishop: sam, there are a couple of rednecks outside claiming to be your cousins.

Sam: alright…

(outside)

sam: AAAHHH!! Uh…billy-ray, billy-joe, um…what are ya'll doin' here?

Billy-joe: we're here to save you from them x-men.

Sam: save me?

Billy-joe: yup.

Sam: but…ah don't need savin'

Billy-ray: well sure ya do! Ya'll belong back in Kentucky!!

Sam: uh…hang on one minute.

(inside)

sam: can one o' ya'll watch mah cousins fo' me? Ah need to make a phone call.

*sam runs up stiars*

*all look at remy*

remy: what? You can' do dis t' me!!

(upstairs)

sam (on phone): yes, hi jubilee. Is paige there? Thanks.

(outside)

*remy edges outside*

remy: you sam's cousins?

Billy-ray: yup.

Remy: so…uh….what brings ya t' new york?

Billy-joe: we're here t' save cousin sam.

Remy: save? Well dat's an original story if I ever did hear one.

Billy-joe: say where you from? Ya'll ain't one o' them kentucky folk.

Remy: no, I ain't, I'm from Louisiana.

Billy-ray: Louisiana?! Wow. That's electricity's somethin' else huh?

Remy: sigh….

(on the phone)

paige: hello?

Sam: paige, what took ya so long?! We got a code 73!

Paige: sam ah told you t' stop usin' the codes! Just tell me what's goin' on!

Sam: okay, you remember cousins billy-ray and billy-joe?

Paige: the ones that live in the trailer park?

Sam: that's them.

Paige: and?

Sam: there here to 'save' me from the x-men.

Paige: what?

Sam: you heard me.

Piage: well how're ya gonna get rid of em?

Sam: ah don't know yet…we need a plan.

(outside)

billy-joe: say did them paved roads come as a shock t' ya when ya'll got ta new york?

Remy: …um…you bet!

(in the prof's study)

sam: so ya see, professah, we need a plan!

Professor: okay first…*wispers in sams ear* and them come back to my study.

Sam: okay.

(outside)

billy-ray: and that indoor plummin'?

remy: yeah?

Sam: hey billy-ray, billy-joe? Mah sister paige is on the phone an she really wants t' talk t' ya'll

Paige (on the phone): WHAT? NO! SAM DON'T DO THIS!!!

Billy-joe: aaawww, ya hear that billy-ray? Cousin paige is on the phone!

Remy: t'ank god!!

*sam grabs remy and runs in the house*

remy: so what's de plan?

Sam: ah'm supposed to get afew x-men and go to the professah's study.

Remy: okay, no problem.

( the prof's study 8 minutes later)

prof: I believe you are all well aware of our situation?

*nodding of heads*

prof: well, what we shall do, is I will send a small team, in other words almost  all of the x-men, to spend afew nights at a hotel until this is cleared up. Your job is to try to convince the rednecks not to save sam. Understood?

*nods of agreement*

prof: alright everyone, start packing!

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~~++~+~+

aaaahhhhh! Will prof X really send rednecks go to a classy hotel? Will paige be saved from the phone call from hell? Will storm ever become the TV weather reporter? Tune in next time…same x-place same x-time!

~SG~


	3. drawing straws...

Well welcome back everyone! I finally got around to writing the next part! Because my muse started throwing ford hubcaps at me! On to the story!

PS this part will be short but I'll add more shortly…if I get enough reviews.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~++~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

warren:   so who's going?

x-men: not me!

Scott: well some of us have to go.

Betsy: I will not spend one moment in the same hotel with those country hicks!

Bishop: don't look at me, I answered the door already!

Remy: oh yeah, well I had t' talk t' dem!

Storm: well since they are sam's cousins, sam should choose who goes.

Jean: if I go, scott goes with me!

Scott: but then who will lead the team?!

Beast: perhaps we should use another means of deciding who will be stuck with our southern companions? 

Wolvie: like a battle to the death?

Beast: that is not what I was implying. Perhaps we should play a game where everyone is of equal opourtunity to have befall on then the misfourtune of acompamying sam's cousins.

*blank stares*

beast: rock paper succors? Drawing straws? Drawing names?

*realization ensures*

wolvie: so we'll draw names out of a hat?

Beast: yes

Wolvie: and then battle to the death?

Beast: no

*jean puts names in a hat*

jean: okay there are nine of us here. Sam's already going, so that means that four of us will be stuck with the rednecks. Who's going to draw?

Remy: I will!

Warren: you'll cheat! I'll draw!

Scott: as team leader, I think I should choose!

Remy: I won' cheat!

Bishop: now your lying too!

Jean: THAT'S IT! Storm, you pick one. Then betsy, then me, then warren.

*girls (and warren) draw names*

beast: dare I ask who you got? Betsy?

Betsy: I got bishop.

Bishop: NO! DAMMIT! WHY ME?!

Wolvie: who'd you get jeannie?

Jean: …betsy

Betsy: WHAT?! Let me see that! Oh no! NO!

Bishop: take that witch! Draw my name, will you?!

Remy: who'd ya get stormy?

Storm: perhaps you should sit down to hear this remy.

Remy: does dat mean what I t'ink it means?

Storm: I am afraid so.

Remy: but..but..DIS CAN' BE HAPPENING! IT JUS' AIN'T RIGHT!

Betsy: at least your from the south!

Bishop: loser.

Jean: who'd you get warren?

Warren: um…I got my own name, can I put it back and try again?

*sigh of relief from everyone who didn't get picked*

warren: please?

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

whooooo! That is a nerve wrecking chapter, innit? So it looks like sam, bishop, betsy, remy and warren are shacking up with the rednecks for afew days! Will they live to tell about it? Will the rednecks? And will hank ever solve the Sunday crossword?!

PSS (or is it PPS?) I was thinking of throwing in a guest appearance, who should the mystery guest be? (and any one of the previously mentioned x-men don't count because I will still use them in the next few chapters)

~SG~


	4. a day in the life of rednecks....

Yes, I am back! My muse has taken to blowing my fish out of the tank with a hunting rifle, so before too much damage is done I decided to write the next part *collective groan* 

SG: sam?! Why are you groaning with them? You're my muse!

Sam: um…peer pressure?

SG: for the sake of getting to the storry, I'll accept it. Now onto the story!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(the x-mansion.)

scott (on the phone): no warren I'm sorry, you can't come home yet…just because I'm team leader doesn't mean I can pull you from a mission…okay so technically I can, but that's just a minor detail that no one cares about!…what's that?…betsy wants to talk to me too?…alright put her on…hi betsy, how's the mission going?…no you can't come home!…they did what??!!well, if it makes you feel better we'll buy you a new bottle of hair gel…no, I'm sorry you really can't come home!…who's that?…bishop?….no, you can't come home either and neither can remy or sam!…okay, I got a lot to do down here…no!…I'll talk to you all later…bye

*hang up*

hank: it's only 11:00 and their already begging to come home?

Storm: it appears so…though I am worried about them.

Jean: we all are…

Wolvie: I wouldn't worry, they've been through worse. And besides the Cajun and the hayseed are from the south, they already know how to deal with this…sort of.

(the hotel)

remy: he hung up on us?!!!

Warren: maybe we should call him back?!

Sam: but that ain't polite!

Betsy: polite!!?? Who cares??!!

Bishop: maybe he'll call us back?

Warren: I don't think I can take much more of this! I mean it's bad enough having two of them at the mansion, but now their cousins are moving in? I just can't take it!! Four rednecks!! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Remy and sam (together): four?

*start counting fingers and thinking*

remy: hey! I resent dat!

Sam: ah still don't get it!

Betsy: he was referring to you and your trailer park brother!!

Sam: well…that ain't very nice…

Remy: for yo' information,  I have never lived in a trailer park… *mumbles* for more dan a month

Bishop: stop it! We can't keep fighting amongst ourselves!! We need to get those rednecks out, so we can all go home!!

Remy: hey! S' bad enough you all t'ink we're rednecks but ya don' gotta get rid of us!

Sam: yeah we need a place ta stay too!

Bishop: not you! The other rednecks!

Remy and sam: ooohhhhh….

Bishop: any ideas?

Betsy: strippers?

Sam: that would only work for a couple weeks tops…

Remy: fake tresure map?

Betsy: too much work…

Warren: AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! REDNECKS!! RENECKS EVERYWHERE!! AAAAHHHHH!!! OH GOD THERE IN MY HAIR!!!

Betsy: remember the last time he did that?

Bishop: if I'm not mistaken it was when….

Remy: I t'ink we done got ourselves a plan!

Sam: yeah…yeah that just might work!

Warren: GET THEM OFF!!!! GET THEM OFF!!!!

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

jean ( on phone): so you got a plan? What is it?…wow! that's brilliant!…yeah I think it'll work…sure….okay….of coarse….alright, good luck! Bye!

*hangs up*

wolvie: what's this I hear about a plan?

Hank: a plan?!

*small crowd gathers*

jean: I just got off the phone with them there going to…*wisper*

(hotel)

bishop: okay, remy you're the distraction. Keep them busy for awile.

Remy: I'll try, but dere aren't many shiny t'ings in a place like dis…

Bishop: do what you can. Me and sam will make the calls. Warren and betsy can make the arrangements. Okay, go!

*x-men scatter*

(the hotel phone)

sam ( on phone): yeah…if'n ya'll could come on down that would be great…well sure ah'll talk ta emma about it…yeah you go on and get her…hi emma, it's sam, paige's brother…yeah we need ta borrow one of yo' students for a mission…I'll let ya'll talk ta bishop about that…

( the hotel living room)

remy: hey what's dat ya'll watchin'?

billy-ray: well we was jus' watchin NasCar

billy-joe: yeah, d'you know that jeff gordon's getting a divorce?

Remy: NO! yo' kiddin!

Billy-joe: nope. Ah saw it on the T.V. last night.

Remy: wow. Who's racin'?

Billy-ray: well see for yo' self, there jus' about ta show it.

Billy-joe: d'ya know what's on aftah this?

Billy-ray: ah think the T.V. guide says WWF is on.

Remy: WWF?! What station is dis?! D'we get dis at de mansion?

(the hotel bathroom)

betsy: well if we have to go out, I'm having a shower.

Warren: alright but you better make it quick, we have to be at the airport soon…

Betsy: agreed.

(hotel phone)

bishop: yeah….great, we'll pick her up at five…yeah, it's horrible! Hopefully it'll be over soon…yes, thanks again, emma.

*hangs up*

sam: do we need ta make that second call?

Bishop: should we?

Sam: let's see how remy's doin' then decide.

Bishop: good.

*slowly move into the living room*

remy: YEAH!! GO GOGGOGOGOGOGOGOGO!!!!!

Billy-ray: yeeeeeee-haww!!!

Billy-joe: whoooooo! That was a close one!!!

Remy: I haven't watched NasCar in weeks!! Dis is great!

Sam: NasCars on?!!

Billy-joe: sorry sam ya'll just missed it. Wrestlin's on next if'n ya'll wanna watch that.

Sam: do ah??!!

*sam sits with remy and the rednecks*

bishop: I think I'm going to go make that second call…

(hotel bathroom)

betsy: warren? Have you seen the conditioner?

Warren: sorry betts, I think the rednecks got it.

Betsy: damn!

(hotel phone)

bishop (on the phone) : hi kyle…yes it's bishop…would you?…thanks…hi….yeah it's good to hear from you too…listen I got a bit of a situation here, and I need your help…

(hotel bathroom)

betsy: warren? Where are the towels??

Warren: rednecks got them in their cooler, I think.

Betsy: what about the hairdryer? 

Warren: gambit got that.

Betsy: well what am I supposed to dry off with then?!!

Warren: toilet paper?

Betsy: what!!!!!! Absolutely not!! Give me one of your shirts!!

(hotel living room)

Sam: kill him, rock!!!

Remy: RVD!! RVD!!!

Billy-ray: whooooo! Look at them hardy boyz fly!!

*slight noise from outside*

*silence*

billy-joe: turn that there T.V. down a minute cousin sam….

*T.V. gets turned down*

remy: is dat what I t'ink it is?

Billy-joe: could be…

*listening*

*a couple more slight almost inaudible noises*

sam: *gasp* ah think it is!!

*rednecks (and sam and remy) run out the door*

billy-ray: is it?

Sam: YES!

(on the hotel phone)

bishop: what's that….oh, that's the rednecks…yeah some unfortunate person from room sevice left their tray out in the hall….yeah they are picking it clean…I don't know…I'll ask them…(taling to rednecks) hey! What are you guys going to do with 180 shower caps?? 

Billy-joe: Christmas presents…

Bishop: (phone) did you hear that…yeah you better come down here…okay see you soon.

*hangs up*

*rednecks start walking back in the hotel*

sam: what did ya'll get?

Remy: I got afew o' dose mints and a shower curtain…

Billy-joe: ah got some paper towels..

Billy-ray: ah got a bath robe…

Billy-joe: how bout you sam?

Sam: ah got some towels and afew dishes…

Remy: wow, sam. Ya'll really cleaned up!

Betsy: warren, lets go…now.

Warren: can't sleep…redneck's will get me….

Bishop: take me with you!!!

Betsy: sorry, bishop. Someone has to guard the rednecks. Come warren!

*warren and betsy leave*

(at the mansion)

hank: it's almost time.

Scott: I hope this works…

(at the airport)

warren: there she is!

Betsy: OVER HERE!!

*mystery guest #1 walks over to warren and betsy*

warren: hey! Good to see you again! How's things at the school?

Betsy: we don't have time for small talk, we got a grousom mission ahead of us, are you sure your ready?

*nodds*

betsy: good. We just have to wait, for our other guest to arrive and we're off.

*silence*

betsy: so how have things been at the school?

Jubilee: wow, it's been, like, okay, but there's this one guy, Everett, and he's like sooooooo cute….

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

will this brilliant plan work? Who is the next mystery guest? Will remy and sam ever be reunited with with the rest of their trailer park brothers?

 Credit goes to lynne for suggesting jubilee as mystery guest #1. great suggestion. If anyone else want's to suggest a mystery guest feel free.

I should also mention that towenden suggested shattestar. I would have wrote him in, but I know nothing about him. Sorry.

And 10,000 invisible canadian dollars goes to whoever can guess who our next mystery guest is. I'm betting no one'll get it.

Now you know the drill, I get my magical nimber of reviews and you get the next chapter. Good? Good.


	5. this chapter is like, sooooooooo short!

Hello I'm back!! Much sooner than usual….anyway, I've just finished a bowl of chocolate ice cream so I'm ready to go!

Sam: but…but ah didn't get any!

SG: oh…uh…um…you can lick the bowl?

Sam: *glares*

On a sadder note (at least to me) I got my first flame!!! It's in the review box if you want to read it! Gah! Let me clear this up right now…in the words of the ever wise jeff foxworthy: you can't make fun of rednecks unless you are one…and, well…I are one. I'm actually quite thrilled I got one, cause in my opinion, your not funny until you offend someone, so I must be doing an okay job! But one good thing will come out of it…you see…in my haste to bring you all this story, I accidently left out the beer!! *****hangs head in shame*** **Good thing this guy brought that to my attention. This will be fixed right away!

Oh! And I should mention there are two guests in this chapter! One you'll find out right away! Yay!

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

(airport)

jubilee: and like, frosty gives us, like, a TON of homework! Sean's okay though, he's…

warren: jubilee?

Jubes: yeah?

Warren: who's that?

Jubes: oh, she's from the school too. She was like brought there by gateway, and, like, she's been with us ever since and-

Betsy: okay…WHY is she here?

Jubes: well, sean and frosty, like, wanted her to come cause, like she never get's to go out, and , like, they thought it would be all good for her and stuff, so they , like put her on the plane with me, and here she is!

Betsy: fine! Jubilee, how about you come with me to pick up our other guest, while warren stays with you friend?

Jubes: yeah that would be cool. Oh, do you know paige, right? She's, like sam's sister and she is like totally absorbed in her work, and-

(warren)

warren: so…uh….what's your name?

Penance: …

Warren: I'm warren…uh…you like the school?

Penny:…

Warren: you don't talk much do you?

Penny:…

(mansion)

hank: no, bishop….I'm afraid you can't come home….I understand it's bad, but it's not my call!…hang on

scott: no.

hank: scott said no…okay, hang on

storm: no.

hank: storm says no too…why would you want me to ask logan?…his opinion won't matter, you know…alright (to logan) bishop wants to know if he can come home.

Wolvie: what did storm say?

Hank: I believe she said no.

Wolvie: yeah…yeah that sounds good. I'll say no too.

Hank: no, bishop, I will not ask jean…

Jean: poor hank.

Logan: I know…bishop's got him using standard English!

Jean: hopefully this will end soon…

(hotel)

billy-joe: so let me get this straight…there are no horses in water polo?!

Sam: yeah I'm tellin' ya billy-joe, there are no horse involved!

Billy-ray: s'true. Me an' a couple friends tried that once, an' had ta stop aftah the first two horses drowned.

Billy-joe: say where did that redhead Louisiana boy get ta?

Billy-ray: beats me.

Sam: s' just remy. He'll turn up somewhere.

(warren)

warren: so…you like carrots?

Penny:…

Warren: no?

*penny tilts her head*

warren: yes?

Penny:…

Warren: stop messing with my miiiinnnddd!!!

Penny:…

Warren: EEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

(betsy and jubilee)

jubilee: and like, he's sooooooo hot!do you know what I mean?

Betsy: no, jubilee, I don't know what you mean!

Jubilee: you know Leonardo dicaprio? From titanic?

Betsy: when does that flight get here?!!!

Jubilee: like, he is soooooo hot!!

Betsy: argh!!!!

(hotel)

remy(wispering): psst. Hey! Hey sam! Sam!

*sam looks over*

remy: get over here!

*sam crawls over*

sam: yeah? Whut is it?

Remy: look whut I found!

*pulls out a 24 case of beer*

sam: gasp! Where'd ya'll get that?!

Remy: do ya'll really care?

Sam: nope!

Remy: didn' t'ink so!

*hands sam a beer*

(warren and penny)

penny:…*tilts head* …*looks at warren* …

warren:…*tilts head* …*looks at penny* …aaaaahhhhhhh!!!! *runs around a bit*

(betsy and jubes)

jubes: and like, I went to the mall this Saturday, and saw this really cute top…

betsy: *pulls some hair out* I know!! You think just as loud as you talk!!! *pulls more hair out* 

jubes: hey isn't that the flight landing now?

Betsy: ah! I think it is!!!! Yes!!! *sob* 

Jubes: great! Let's go, there she is…I think. What does she look like again?

Betsy: for the last time she's a black girl with blonde hair! Get it straight!!

Jubes: ooohhhh! So she's not a blonde girl with black hair!

Betsy: …what?

Jubes: there she is! Let's go!

*pulls betsy up to mystery guest two*

jubes: hi! I'm like jubilee! That's psylocke! It's like, soooo cool to meet you! You don't look that much like bishop, you know. So like, how was the flight?

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

are remy and sam getting wasted? Will jubilee ever shut up? Will penance ever become the next playboy centerfold?! Tune in next time to find out!

PS do you know who my next mystery guest is? I dropped enough hints! I will also reveal that I will add another mystery guest, sometime in the next chapter…try to guess who that is too.

And I added penance for towenden, who loves penance and doesn't know until this very moment that I also go by miss_marvel down at the danger room forum! Surprise to towie! Yeah!

Standard drill. I get my magical number, you get the next part. So be a good reader, and leave a nice review! And go read my flame!!


	6. I can't even describe it...

Hhhoooo-yyyaaaaa!!! I'm back!! Poor sam was going insane trying to get me to write this part!! He was so desperate at one point that he went on a fishing show strike!! I couldn't watch him suffer any longer, so here it is….

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

psylocke: I apologize for jubilee. So …why are you here?

Shard: I have no idea really. Bishop called, I came! I'm probably going to regret that….

Psylocke: oh, you will.

Shard: *confused look* …um…thanks for the reassurance?

Jubilee: hey, you know that guy on TV? You know brad pitt? 

*more mindless teen-talk*

psylocke: let's go find warren, shall we?

*shard ,psylocke and still babbling jubilee go to find warren*

(warren and penny)

penny: …

warren: I think it all started when I was six. I had this pet potato…what was that look for? You think I'm insane don't you?

Penny: …*tilts head*

Warren: STOP THAT!!!

Penny: …

Warren: AAAAAHHHHH!!! NO MORE MIND GAMES!!!! *runs around like a mindless chicken screaming*

*shard, betsy and jubilee walk in*

jubilee: hey penny! Are you having fun with wings?

Betsy: what have you done to warren?!!

Shard: …does he do this often? …

Betsy: warren, you get down from there right now!!!

Penny:…

Betsy: warren! WARREN! That is not a toy!!!! You hear me???!!!

Shard: …bishop never mentioned this…

Jubilee: like it happens. When I was in the x-men…

Penny: …

Betsy: WARREN! GET DOWN FROM THERE!!!

Warren: but…she's looking at me!!

Penny:…*tilts head*…

Warren: YYYYEEEEEAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!

Betsy: this could take awile…

(rednecks)

billy-joe: ya know? ah'm getting' hungry.

Billy-ray: me too. Say where'd sam and that other boy go?

Billy-joe: ah'm not to sure. Can't 've gotten to far. Let's say we go eat an' then look for 'em.

Billy-ray: 'kay.

*rednecks leave*

(sam and remy)

sam: yup…

remy: yup…

sam: so…how we gonna get rid o' those cousins o' mine?

Remy: pfft. Someone else'll find a way…*drinks another beer*

Sam: *drinks another beer*

(bishop)

bishop: *on the phone…still* can you ask scott again? Okay, nevermind! I'll just die here with these…these…rednecks!!…no I don't think I'm over reacting!!…

(airport)

*crowd gathers*

betsy: if you come down now, I'll give you a cookie!!

Warren: … a chocolate cookie?

Betsy: of coarse! Any kind you want!

*warren flies down*

warren: where's my cookie?!

Betsy: here it is *hands him thin air*

Warren: I don't see it.

Betsy: it's an imaginary cookie.

*stares at betsy's hand*

warren: I fell for it again didn't I? 

Shard:…this has happened before?…

Penny: …

Jubilee: wow! Way to go betsy! You broke your old record!!

(bishop)

*bishop hangs up the phone*

*waits* 

*hears a noise and goes to investigate*

(remy and sam)

sam: ahahahaaha!! Did ya'll see that there episode a' …what was ah talkin' bout?

Remy: I don' know. Ya lost me after there…

Sam: where?!

Remy: I don' know. S' ya story.

Sam: right. Where am ah?

Remy: bishop said somet'in' bout hell on earth, though.

Sam: where is that…guy?

(penny, jubilee, betsy, shard, warren)

betsy: we're back!!

*no answer*

warren: everyone?!

*silence*

penny:…

warren: oh my god! Do you know what this means??!!!

Jubilee: yeah, like, no ones home?

Warren: the rednecks have killed them!!!!

Shard: rednecks?! Bishop didn't say anything about rednecks!!

Betsy: their not dead, I can still sense them!

Warren: then where are they?!

Shard: split up?

*the five go off in different derections*

(jubilee)

jubilee: oh cool!! TV!! I hope it's MTV…wait a minute….what's this about fishing rods?!

(betsy)

betsy: warren! It's not splitting up if you keep following me!!

Warren: it's a small place! There are only so many rooms where we can split up!!

Betsy: sigh…alright. I see your point. But let me do the talking.

(penny)

*walkes up to sam and remy*

remy: who're you?

Penny:…*points to the beer cans*…

Sam: ah think she wants one.

Penny: *tilts head*

Remy: okay…here *hands penny a beer*

Penny: *plays with beer*

Sam: ya supposed ta drink it!

Penny: *drinks the beer*

(shard)

shard: bishop!

Bishop: hi shard.

Shard: why in hells name did you drag me here? And what's this about rednecks??!

Bishop: oh…nothing.

Shard: bishop!

Bishop: I needed to share my misery with someone…

Shard: and naturally you thought of me?

Bishop: yes…no!

*shard glares*

bishop: so…little sister, how's things with x-factor?

*shard glares*

(warren and betsy)

warren: hey there they are!!

Betsy: what are they doing?

Warren: eating something, I think.

Betsy: eating? 

Warren: see for yourself…

Betsy: is that…is that my hair gel?!

(jubilee)

jubilee: oooohhhh!! Get that fish!!! Get him!!

(penny, sam and remy)

sam: so what brings you ta town?

Penny: …**:**S…

Remy: I don' think she's a talker…

Sam: naw…you on the other hand won't shut up.

Remy: well I don' hear you complainin'! *takes a swing at sam…and misses*

Sam: oh ya'll wanna play it that way? *trips on his shoe lace*

Remy: *falls on top of sam*

Sam: *pushes remy off and kicks at thin air*

Penny:…*slashes open a beer can*…

(shard and bishop)

bishop: so now your not even going to talk to me?

Shard: ….

Bishop: what did I do?

Shard: …

Bishop: say something!!

Shard: okay how about this…MOM LIKED ME BETTER!!

Bishop:  no she didn't!! I was her favorite!!

Shard: no, we found you in a ditch!!

Bishop: no, we found you in a ditch!!

(betsy and warren)

betsy: oh my lord!

Warren: what are they eating now?

Betsy: it looks like my face cream!

Warren: ugh! They will eat anything!!

(jubilee)

*walks into the room and sees all the fighting/bickering/eating*

jubilee: I've got it!!! I know who can solve our problems!!!

Betsy: well lets hear it…

Jubilee: not yet, I need to make a quick call!!

*everyone waits patiently*

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

will betsy ever be able to replace her hair gel? Who is this mystery-person who jubilee was speaking of? Will beast ever colour to blonde?!

That was so much fun to write! Towenden guessed the mystery guest!! Yay towie!! Now standard drill…do I even need to go through this again?


	7. the endor the beggining? jerry is not qu...

Hello everyone!! I AM BACK once again!!!! I was waiting for my magic number of reviews, but then Sam pointed out that that was hopeless and if I waited for them then the story would never get finished!!! 

*Sam gloats*

But just to spite him I've decided to make this the last chapter!!

Sam: what??!! We didn't talk 'bout this!!!

SG: *sticks tongue out* besides we have other ideas to work on!!

Sam: well ya do got a point but…

SG: *sticks tongue out*

Sam: now…*looks at SG*…ah mean…*looks at SG*…never mind!!!

*beast and storm flip through channels*

storm: Henry stop there!!!

*hank stops flipping*

hank: what is it storm?

(on the TV)

jerry springer: welcome. Today on the show…mutants. human or not they still problems that we can relate to. Some of the issues we'll be addressing today…sibling rivalry…problem relatives…relationship problems…and more. So stay tuned. 

*goes to commercial*

(reality)

hank: oh my stars and garters!! Is that…them?? Storm is this why you insisted on watching this uncivilized show??

Storm: n…yes. That is the reason. I don't tape it everyday.

Hank: storm?

Storm: there's nothing on the tapes!!! Nothing!!

*hank stares at the large pile of "blank" tapes*

storm: I shall summon the others.

*the team shuffles into the room*

scott: what's going on??

Hank: watch!

(on TV)

jerry springer: and we're back! Let me introduce my first set of guests…*looks at card*…this is warren Worthington and betsy bradcock. Now tell us….why are you here?

Betsy: well jerry…I'm not exactly sure.

Jerry: so there are no…problems in your relationship?

Warren: no. we get along quite well actually.

*silence*

jerry: nothing? At all?

Warren and bestsy: no.

Jerry: there has to be something!

*both shrug*

jerry: how about a question from the audience??

Adience member: yeah…uh…this' for the one with wings. Uh…are those wings part of your mutation?

Warren: yes.

Jerry: uh…let's go to commercial! And when we get back…mutant teen issues!

 *goes to commercial*

*x-men watch with their jaws slagging ion the floor*

jean: oh. My. God.

Scott: this was their brilliant plan??!!

Wolverine: wow look!! Half off sparkle kids toothpaste at the local wal-mart!

*everyone stares*

wolvie: I mean…GGGGGRRRRR

storm: it is back on!!

(TV)

jerry: we're back! If you've just tuned in our show today is titled…mutants and their issues. Now let me introduce my next set of guests…this is jubilee and penance. Two teenage mutants. So penance…how do you feel about being a mutant?

Penny: … *drinks another beer*…:S….

Jerry: um..jubilee…how do you feel about being a mutant??

Jubilee: well it's okay but there's like, these FOH losers who sent these like, things called sentinels, which are these big bogus robots, and they like, all want to destroy us but it's like, not so bad, because I have a lot of mutant friends like, paige and gambit and Psylocke and wolvie and penny and…

Jerry: *clears throat* yes….so penance…why the beer??

*penny throws beer cans at jerry…some still full*

jerry: ow! OW! And OW! Jubilee, do you feel it is hard to lead a normal life OW! Being a OW mutant?

Jubilee: like, I don't like, know, cause like, I don't have or even know ,like anyone with a normal life, but like…

Jerry: and OW let's go to OW commercial OW!! Steve get this kid off the stage!! Our next mutant issue…sibling rivalry.

*geoes to commercial*

scott: what happened?? Emma frost was on the phone complaining…something about her students on jerry springer??

Hank: I liked it best when jerry springer got hit with the beer cans.

Jean: that was quite good, but the show is not over yet.

Storm: this is disappointing!! Ten minutes into the show and the chairs are still in place!!

Wolvie: GGGGRRRR

Hank: it's back!!

(TV)

*crew is picking up beer cans in the background*

jerry: we're back! Now let me introduce my next two guests…this is Bishop and his sister Shard. Now tell me…why is the sibling rivalry still an issue?

Shard: doesn't it say on your card??

Jerry: uh…yes, but I think the audience would like to hear it in your own words.

Bishop: I wouldn't call it a problem…

Shard: yeah we get along great when we're not fighting!

Jerry: and what is it that you fight about?

Bishop: you know, how mom and dad liked me better than her…

Shard: they did not!!

Bishop: yes they did!!

*shard fires and energy blast bishop*

Bishop: nice try little sister, but I can absorb anything that you throw at me!!

*shard throws a chair*

audience: JERRY!! JERRY!!

*Bishop gets hit with chair…procedes to throw chair at shard*

*shard phases through chair…and the twenty bodyguards trying to restrain her*

*lunges at bishop who shields himself with one of the bodyguards*

audience: JERRY!! JERRY!!

*bodyguard gets severly beaten by both bishop and shard*

*shard and bishop stare at their handy-work*

Bishop: perhaps we shouldn't have done that…

Shard: maybe no one will notice….

*bishop and shard run off stage*

Jerry: we'll be right back after these commercials with…relative problems!

*cuts to commercial*

*x-men stare*

jean: so…that's bishops little sister?

Storm: yes…I believe it is

Wolvie: GGGRRRR…I'm the best at what I do, bub!

Scott: hey why is the VCR flashing like that??

Hank: it appears that it is set to record the program…but who?…

Storm: no one!

Jean: sshhh!!

(TV)

jerry: alright now for our next set of guests….the guthries and Gambit.

Gambit: why am I here?

Jerry: simple…sex appeal! Now sam, you have a problem with your cousins?

Sam: yes. Ya see, they just won't go away!!! No matter what ah do!!

Jerry: and billy-joe, billy-ray…whats your side of the story?

Billy-ray: well we just tryin ta save sam from them there mutants!!

Someone from the audience: wait a minute…are you the same cousins that tried to save sam from x-force??

Sam: is that…?

Remy: mon dieu!!

x-men (at home): it can't be!!

Jerry: and who might you be sir??

Audience member: they know!!

Billy-joe: cable!! We ain't seen you in …awile!!

Jerry: you know eachother???

*camera focuses in on cable and some of x-force*

cable: yes those two rednecks tried to 'save' sam from a different team last year!!

Jerry: is this true??

Sam: yup. Cost us $800 in damages too.

Jerry: you have a question??

Audience member: yeah…this is for the cute guy in the chair to the right…uh…are you single??

Remy: dat's a grey area at de best of times…

Females (and some of the males) in the audience: aaawwwww…

Jerry: next question…

Audience member: also for the guy on the right. When you say "grey area" what do you mean exactly?

Remy: uh….can I just say dat I'm gay??

Jerry: sorry, we need the viewers. Now…sam I may have a solution to you problem. Billy-ray, billy-joe….how would you both like jobs???

Billy-ray: that sounds good!

Billy-joe: beats playin the lottery.

Jerry: well welcome to the staff! Now lets go to commercial break…and when we come back…final thoughts!

*goes to commercial*

jean: can it be true??

Hank: was it really that easy??

Scott: I don't know…let's watch…

(TV)

*jerry sitting on a chair with a cheep curtain as the background*

jerry: mutants. Are they human? You tell me. Today we have seen real people with real problems. Sibling rivalry, teenagers, relationships. We helped one group get rid of unwanted relatives. But are realatives really unwanted or just misunderstood…tune in for our next show: rednecks that have been kicked out of the family. Goodbye.

*turns TV off*

*everyone rejoices*

SG: well that's it!! It'a all over. Or is it? Do unwanted relatives ever really dissapear?? Do my stories ever really end? Will I ever go away? Tune into my next story for some answers.

Will I do a Sequel? Only if there is a demand for it, otherwise, no. thanks to everyone who read and reviewed…it's been wild!!!


End file.
